Novembering: A Time of Grief and Lament (2023)
Each year, before the holiday rush, we set aside time for a special service at RiverLife. It's a time when we grieve, remember, and celebrate the memory of those family and friends who are no longer with us.
Transcript
MY NIGHT OF GRIEF
We started doing a Novembering service in RiverLife’s very first year. I wanted to do it because I had just lost my mom a couple of years before that, and I was still wrestling with grief.
I didn’t grieve well when my mom died. I didn’t have many tools in my emotional toolbox at the time. It took me six months to let myself feel the weight of the loss. And when it hit, it hit hard.
One night in bed, I just started crying, and I couldn’t stop. I looked through old pictures and videos, but nothing seemed to help.
I knew God was close to the brokenhearted, so I turned to Him. I began to sing the chorus of an old song, Give Me Jesus: “Give me Jesus / You can have all this world / Just give me Jesus.” I sang and prayed that God would let me know he was there. Eventually, I fell asleep, exhausted and emotionally wrecked.
SERMON OVERVIEW
Grief often feels like that—exhausting and emotionally devastating. That’s because it is. But it’s also more than that.
I’m calling this sermon “The Three Sides of Grief.”
Our Emotions in Grief
Our Thoughts in Grief
Our Spiritual Reality in Grief
To help us with these, I will read parts of Psalms 22 and 23. It’s no coincidence that these two Psalms are next to each other. I believe they’re meant to be read together.
OUR EMOTIONS IN GRIEF
Let’s start with our emotions in grief.
Have you ever cried out to God, “How could you take this person from me?”
Have you ever prayed, and it seemed God didn’t answer?
Or maybe months or years have passed, and you feel abandoned by God?
If you’ve ever felt angry and abandoned, then you’re in good company:
Job felt it as he watched everything that he loved get taken away from him.
The prophet Jeremiah felt it after getting beaten up and chained up.
Even Jesus felt it as he hung on the cross, bearing the weight of the world’s sin.
King David, as well. He even wrote a few psalms about it. Psalm 22 is one of those, and it’s a doozy. It begins like this.
1 My God, my God, why have you abandoned me? Why are you so far away when I groan for help? 2 Every day, I call to you, my God, but you do not answer. Every night, you hear my voice, but I find no relief.
If that first line sounds familiar, it’s because Jesus quoted verse 1 while he was dying on the cross, as God had to turn his back on his Son so that he would take on the weight of the world’s sin.
But long before that, it was the cry of a person suffering. Have you ever felt like this? I certainly have had a few nights where I knew God heard my voice, but I found no relief.
This is often what grief feels like. It’s lonely, unforgiving, and heart-wrenching, but that’s not all grief is.
OUR THOUGHTS IN GRIEF
Painful emotions can often lead to some pretty dark thoughts:
Nobody loves me.
God doesn’t exist.
It might be better if I weren’t around.
King David knew this, so he affirmed some thoughts:
3 Yet you are holy, enthroned on the praises of Israel. 4 Our ancestors trusted in you, and you rescued them. 5 They cried out to you and were saved. They trusted in you and were never disgraced.
In the middle of grief, these are things we need to remember.
God is still holy.
He is still on His throne.
He has been faithful to past generations.
David cries out in pain and yet remembers God’s goodness.
He cries out in anger and yet remembers God’s faithfulness.
He cries out in despair and yet remembers God’s deliverance.
What do we do when God feels distant, or we feel abandoned? Remembering God’s character and how good he’s been to us and generations past is critical. That’s why we can still believe in Him even when we don’t feel Him.
OUR SPIRITUAL REALITY IN GRIEF
But there’s one more part to grief. There is a spiritual reality that is so hard to see but absolutely necessary for us to understand.
Psalm 23 is one of the most common Bible passages to read at funerals? And for good reason. It is one of the most comforting passages in Scripture, not because it describes physical things happening around us, but because it describes a spiritual reality around us, especially when death is near to us.
So, I’d like to read this psalm for you—to remind you of what God is doing all around you. I’d even encourage you to close your eyes and see the vivid images God presents here.
Psalm 23 (NLT)
1 The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need. 2 He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams. 3 He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name. 4 Even when I walk through the dark valley of death, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me. 5 You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies. You honor me by anointing my head with oil. My cup overflows with blessings. 6 Surely, your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life. I will live in the house of God forever.
If you are feeling the pain of loss today, that is what is happening around you right now. So, when God says he is close to the broken-hearted, this is what he means.
CLOSING
In closing, let yourself feel the pain. Don’t shut down your emotions, trying to be “strong for the family.” Let yourself feel the deep sorrow. It testifies to your love for the person you lost.
Let yourself think true thoughts of God. Remember his character and his goodness in your life. Get around people who will help you remember Him. Keep coming to church. In grief, you need your church family more than ever.
Lastly, meditate on Psalm 23. Remember the glorious spiritual reality around you. It’s not all funerals, sad anniversaries, and an empty chair at the family gatherings. It IS all that, but it’s also green meadows, renewal, guidance, and protection. Grief is also feasts and overflowing blessings. It’s also an eternity with God, experienced right here today.
