Grief without Answers: Complaining to God

This article is part of our Novembering series dealing with grief, loss, and death.

One of the most painful aspects of death is that it gives no explanations. Why them? Why now? Everyone who loses someone they love asks those questions at some point. They hang over you; you just can’t escape them.

Did you know that the Bible asks those same questions? They’re called lament psalms or complaint psalms because they are complaints to God.

Did you know that it’s okay to complain to God?

Complaining in the Bible

I’d like to share with you one of the most poignant complaint psalms in all of Scripture. The author is brutally honest and doesn’t hold back. It’s Psalm 88, and here is it in the New Living Translation.

O Lord, God of my salvation, I cry out to you by day.
I come to you at night.
Now hear my prayer; listen to my cry.
For my life is full of troubles, and death draws near.
I am as good as dead, like a strong man with no strength left.
They have left me among the dead, and I lie like a corpse in a grave.
I am forgotten, cut off from your care.
You have thrown me into the lowest pit, into the darkest depths.
Your anger weighs me down; with wave after wave you have engulfed me. Interlude

You have driven my friends away by making me repulsive to them.
I am in a trap with no way of escape.
My eyes are blinded by my tears.
Each day I beg for your help, O Lord; I lift my hands to you for mercy.
Are your wonderful deeds of any use to the dead?
Do the dead rise up and praise you? Interlude

Can those in the grave declare your unfailing love?
Can they proclaim your faithfulness in the place of destruction?
Can the darkness speak of your wonderful deeds?
Can anyone in the land of forgetfulness talk about your righteousness?
O Lord, I cry out to you. I will keep on pleading day by day.
O Lord, why do you reject me? Why do you turn your face from me?

I have been sick and close to death since my youth.
I stand helpless and desperate before your terrors.
Your fierce anger has overwhelmed me. Your terrors have paralyzed me.
They swirl around me like floodwaters all day long.
They have engulfed me completely.
You have taken away my companions and loved ones.
Darkness is my closest friend.

Why is this in the Bible? How is this a statement of faith in God? It sounds more like an argument against God. But it actually does reaffirm faith in God in two ways.

Complaint Can Reaffirm Your Faith in God

Who you complain to shows who you believe can comfort you or think is in charge.

Think about that for a second. You only complain to a person if you think they can help you feel better—to comfort you, agree with you, and say you’re not crazy. That’s why you turn to your friends.

Or you complain to someone if you think they’re in charge—that they could actually do something to fix the problem. That’s why we say, “Can I talk to a manager?”

So, if you’re complaining to God, that’s actually a good thing. If you turn to God in grief or anger, you’re actually affirming his existence, his power, and his sovereignty.

Remember how the author started this Psalm:

“Lord, you are the God who saves me; day and night I cry out to you.
May my prayer come before you; turn your ear to my cry.” (verse 1, NIV)

By directing his complaints to God, the author was affirming his faith, not denying it. The same thing goes for you.

It’s when you turn away from God to complain and cut yourself off from Him — that’s when you say that you don’t believe he can comfort you, or you don’t believe he’s powerful enough to be in charge.

Complaint as Worship

A complaint to God is worship of God. If you complain to God, you affirm that you believe he can comfort you and do something about your pain.

In theological terms, that means you are affirming that he is personal and loving (he comforts you) or that he is sovereign (he is in control).

Do you know what the Bible calls it when we affirm the character and nature of God? Worship. That’s what singing is; we’re proclaiming the righteousness of God through songs.

When you direct your complaints to God instead of away from him, you engage in worship. You are recognizing the God is personal, loving, and sovereign.

One Tip to Grieving Well

As your grieve, allow yourself to complain to God, cry out to him, and ask him all the questions you want. In doing so, you are worshipping him and strengthening your faith — even when it feels like everything is falling apart.