Christian perpetrators of abuse often distort biblical themes such as submission, “God hates divorce,” or Eve as a “helper” to justify their abuse.  It’s time we understand these themes properly as honoring women and marriage.

Transcript

SERIES INTRODUCTION

Good morning, church! I’m joining join you on video this morning because I didn’t want to miss preaching this topic for you today. I really believe in this new series, and I’ve been thinking about it for months. We’re on the second week of our new relationship series, “When Love Hurts: Christian Perspectives on Domestic Violence.”

But before we dive in, I want to share five introductory ideas I mentioned last week.

1. This is a sensitive and painful topic. And for many of you, this isn’t an abstract idea. It’s personal. It’s been part of your life, your family.

2. There are four ways you can experience domestic violence—as a victim, perpetrator, observer, or community member. Our goal is to allow God to speak into all of these areas.

3. There are many types of abuse—physical, sexual, emotional, psychological, economic, spiritual, and even digital. For this series, we’ll focus primarily on physical and sexual violence.

4. Physical abuse covers a wide scope of behaviors. It’s not just hitting. It’s slapping, shoving, grabbing, biting, throwing things, threatening with a knife.

5. Lastly, I want to give you permission to take care of yourself. If you need to step out, that’s okay. If you’d like prayer after service, we’ll be here. If you want to reach out for help, there’s information for the National Domestic Violence Hotline in the bulletin.

CHRISTIAN HISTORY OF ABUSING SCRIPTURE

Today’s topic is how Scripture can be twisted and perverted to justify abuse.

Unfortunately, Christianity has a long history of using the Bible to justify horrible atrocities:

• Genocide and torture during the Crusades

• British colonization and the annihilation of indigenous cultures

• Slavery and segregation in the U.S., even as recent as 60 years ago.

• Even today, white supremacy, the January 6 attack, and political hatred from the right, all have strong Biblical themes interwoven into them.

Throughout history, and even today, Pastors, priests, and pundits would use Scripture to control, manipulate, and dehumanize other people. The same thing happens in cases of abuse in Christian households.

COMMON MISUSES OF SCRIPTURE

Lest we get too high and mighty about ourselves, we have all misused Scripture for our own advantage. Here are four common ways that we manipulate the Bible in our everyday lives:

1. We take verses out of context. It’s easy to love bumper-sticker theology. It’s harder to do the work to understand a verse in light of the whole story of God.

2. We interpret the Bible to reinforce our own pre-existing beliefs. Often, we let our beliefs shape how we read Scripture. But, we rarely let Scripture truly change what we’ve learned from our culture or family of origin.

3. We mix Scripture with national identity. America is a Christian nation. It’s the new Israel. It’s the promised land. Christian Nationalism is rapidly growing among segments of conservative Christianity, and it’s unbiblical.

4. We use it “for” us and “against” others. It’s amazing how often the Bible supports or forgives what “we’re” doing and preaches against what “they’re” doing.

USING SCRIPTURE TO JUSTIFY ABUSE

Now, what happens when these common misuses become malicious, and Christians use them to justify violence in dating or marriage? They take on a much darker, more sinister tone as they are used to manipulate and subjugate another person.

Three biblical ideas are most often used to justify abuse.

1. Male headship & female submission

2. “God hates divorce”

3. A woman as “helper”

Unfortunately, these excuses are most often used by men against women. It doesn’t mean that men are the bad ones; it’s just reflective of the fact that men have held the power throughout Christian history.

Let’s talk about these three.

1. Male Headship & Female Submission

Ephesians 5:22-23 says, “22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.”

This passage, along with ones like 1 Corinthians 11:3 and 1 Timothy 2:11-12, have been interpreted to mean that the husband is the God-ordained head or leader over his wife and that the wife should submit to his authority.

When taken to an extreme, men are superior to women, husbands can rule over their wives, and wives must always obey their husbands.

But there are a few problems with this view.

1. Jesus never advocates for the use of power over others. Never. Period.

2. Any time there is a power imbalance, one party becomes more vulnerable to abuse.

3. Research suggests that higher incidences of abuse are found in communities where men are privileged and women are subordinated. This includes Christian communities.

4. There have been numerous reports of churches using this theology to silence women reporting abuse by their husbands or pastors.

5. It’s also a bad interpretation of Scripture.

Headship doesn’t mean dictatorship, and submission doesn’t mean subservience. I would even argue that Scripture doesn’t even teach headship and submission the way many of you have been taught. For more on that, I recommend two series: “Passive Men & Strong-Willed Women” and “Relearning Relationships.”

More importantly, though, the Biblical commands to love are abundant and irrefutable. Any form of abuse, manipulation, or control is absolutely incompatible with a Christianity that follows Jesus.

2. “God Hates Divorce”

Let’s talk about the next one: “God hates divorce.” Both husbands and wives can use this to pressure an abused spouse into staying in the marriage, claiming that they would be sinning if they left.

This comes from Malachi 2:16, which begins, 16 “For I hate divorce,” says the Lord, the God of Israel…”

Yes, God’s design for marriage is a life-long commitment. Husband and wife are joined together into one flesh, and what God has joined, let no one separate.

But there are a lot of problems with using this verse to justify abuse, starting with this very verse. You just have to keep reading to find something else God hates, “and [I hate] him who covers his garment with violence,” says the Lord of armies. “So be careful about your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.”

Ya, God may hate divorce, but he hates violent people with treacherous spirits just as much.

3. A Women As “Helper”

Lastly is the idea of a woman as “helper” or “helpmate.” This comes from the Creation story in Genesis 2:18, “18 Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.’”

In English, it would be very easy for a husband to read this and apply our understanding of “helper” to that verse—the wife is a servant to the husband; she’s lesser or inferior. But in the original Hebrew, that interpretation isn’t possible.

The word used here is ezer, a combination of “to help, rescue, save” & “to be strong.” Unlike in English, this is an incredibly empowering word. This can be seen throughout the Old Testament, as most of the twenty-one uses of this word refer to God rescuing or delivering Israel.

In Genesis, the woman was not created to serve the man, but to serve with the man and to rescue the man from a life alone.

APPLICATION

Hopefully, you can see how manipulative and unbiblical it is to use Scripture to justify abuse. Domestic violence is always sin. It is always a violation of the marriage covenant. It is never a part of it.

But the more patriarchal your culture and your churches are, the more likely you’ll be to encounter this in your family. You might even begin to believe some of the lies for yourself and use them against your spouse.

How do you safeguard yourself and your marriage against this temptation—whether you’re a victim, perpetrator, or both? Here are three things you can do.

1. Pay attention to your excuses.

When you do something hurtful and sinful against your spouse, do you make excuses, or do you confess? Do you ever spiritualize your excuses? If so, then you need to stop. You can’t use the Bible to justify your sin.

Rob Reimer, the author of Soul Care, who’s coming to RiverLife in June, says, “You can’t use tools of the kingdom of darkness to advance the kingdom of light.

Pay attention to your excuses, and don’t use God to justify bad behavior or worse violent abuse.

2. Don’t let an abuser shape your theology.

If you are in an abusive relationship—with a spouse, parent, or partner—they have an enormous amount of power to shape your thinking and your theology. And I promise you—they will distort your view of God, love, marriage, and even yourself if you let them.

Instead, find some friends whose faith you admire, and spend time with them. A lot of time. Come to church as much as you can. Join a Life Group. Surround people who will speak into your life truth and love instead of lies and hatred.

3. Bring secrets into the light.

Lies thrive in the darkness. They grow bigger and strong—like mold or cockroaches. Bringing your secrets into the light dismantles lies, shame, and isolation. Tell someone. Set up a coffee date. Text a friend. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline—the info is in your bulletin.

The enemy of your soul wants to keep you in darkness. Jesus Christ invites you to step into the light.

Remember: The Bible never endorses abuse. Abuse is always sin.