What’s the worst thing you can do in church? According to Scripture, it’s to cause division. Learn why it’s so destructive and what you can do to avoid it.

Transcript

REVIEW OF LAST WEEK

We are going to be introducing membership next month. So, we’re preaching about it. Last Sunday, I shared two core principles of RiverLife membership. We call them our membership mantras.

First, Membership is about growing spiritually, not belonging to a club.

Second, We don’t exist for ourselves. We exist for God first and others second.

If you missed last week, definitely watch it. These two ideas are critical for anyone who wants to become a member of RiverLife.

This week, we’ll open with a question: What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve done in church? Here’s my top 3:

• I once farted during prayer. The prayer might have been silent, but the fart was not.

• I once nodded off during service so hard, I strained my neck.

• Best one – As a youth, I spilled all the communion juice because I was showing off for a girl.

There are a lot of bad things you can do in church, but I think there’s one that’s the worst. Complain.

Let me just say it up front: I’m so glad that RiverLife does not have a complaining culture. Some churches do. I talk with other pastors, and I’m horrified at what they have to put up with. So, thank you to all of you. RiverLife does not have a complaining culture, and I intend to keep it that way.

Why? Because complaining kills churches. It doesn’t matter if you complain to a friend, a ministry leader, or to me. Complaining kills churches.

There are four ways complaining shows up in church. We’re going to look at them with the help of… the Muppets. See if any of these hit a little close to home.

1. The Armchair Critic

• “The music’s too loud.”

• “It’s too cold in the sanctuary.”

• The armchair critic is quick to point out something wrong—in the service, the people, the leadership.

2. The Advice-Giver

• This is the person who tells you how something should be done.

• Anything that begins: “Can I give you a small suggestion?”

• Or I love this one: “In my previous church…”

• In reality, the advice-giver isn’t a helper; they’re just an arrogant know-it-all.

3. The “Me-Focused” Person

• This is the person that thinks, “What about me?”

• “I didn’t really like the songs today.”

• “No one visited me when I was sick.”

• This person usually sees church as a place that should serve them.

4. The Gossip

• We all know this person. Maybe YOU are this person.

• For them, talking about someone behind their back might be as normal as binge-watching Netflix, but the Bible calls it sin.

So, do you resonate with any of these? Come on, be honest.

All this raises an interesting question: Is complaining really that big of a deal? Really? Most complainers think: “I’m just trying to help.”

Ya, it actually is a big deal. Because, in a church, complainers rarely stay complainers.

• Complainers become Critics

• Critics become Agitators

• Agitators become Dividers

And there are few things that the New Testament speaks against as strongly as it does division in the church.

We’re going to look at one of those passages today. It’s Romans 16:17-18. It’s in the digital bulletin. Pull it up on your phone or grab your bible. I’ll be reading out of the NIV. Again, it’s Romans 16, verse 17.

17 I urge you, brothers and sisters, to watch out for those who cause divisions and put obstacles in your way that are contrary to the teaching you have learned. Keep away from them. 18 For such people are not serving our Lord Christ, but their own appetites. By smooth talk and flattery, they deceive the minds of naive people.

He begins: “Watch out”! Watch out for certain people. Do not ignore them. They are dangerous. The Bible literally says, “Keep away from them.”

Who are these people? People who cause divisions. Complainers divide churches and damage believers.

I bet that every church split that has ever happened began with somebody complaining. And that complainer became a critic, that critic became an agitator, and that agitator became a divider.

Paul then elaborates four ways that complainers divide churches and damage believers.

1. Complainers create obstacles for others to come to Christ.

One of our values when we launched RiverLife, was that we wanted to remove as many obstacles for others to come to Christ. Many of you have left churches because of people who complained about you—your clothes, your hair, your tattoos. Because of their opinions, they put obstacles between you and God. We won’t have that here.

2. Complainers do not follow biblical teaching.

There is always sin and bad theology behind a well-intentioned complainer.

• Self-righteousness

• Hard-heartedness

• Ingratitude

• Lack of trust in God

• Disbelief in God’s goodness

• Rejection of spiritual authority

The list goes on. Nobody ever complains with a good heart.

3. Complainers don’t serve Jesus. They serve their own interests.

I’ve never met a humble complainer. I’ve never met a complainer filled with the fruits of the Spirit. They might think they’re led by the spirit, but they’re not. Most complainers think they are helping, even Jesus. But they’re not. They’re serving their own preferences, opinions, or beliefs.

4. Complainers deceive others.

There’s one practice I’ve seen every complainer do. They talk to others—to find allies, to convince people to agree with them. That way, they feel more justified in their opinion.

The verse even says that they use smooth talk and flattery to gain followers. That’s how complainers become critics who become agitators who become dividers. And that’s how a church splits. Or a person leaves the church. Or a ministry leader gives up.

Complainers divide churches and damage believers.

So, how can you NOT be one of these people that the Bible speaks against?

How can you build unity instead of division?

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying this is a dictatorship. We welcome your input, because we don’t always get things right.

But there is a right way to offer feedback that is helpful and Christ-honoring. Here are four remedies for being a critic.

1. Be humble.

I have never known a complainer who is humble and gentle in spirit. They’re often overly confident, self-righteous, and oblivious to it. Start with a posture of humility.

2. When you have a concern, speak directly to the person.

This is the most important one. Most church conflict could be avoided if people actually obeyed Matthew 18 and talked directly to the person they had a problem with.

Refuse to talk about somebody to somebody else. And if somebody starts talking to about another person… "talk to the hand, 'cos the face ain't listening". Is that old enough to be retro yet.

3. Ask questions more than you give opinions.

Complainers are very quick to share their opinions. But they rarely ever ask questions. And even more, they rarely try to understand. So, if you don’t like something you see here at church, ask about it. Because here’s the truth about RiverLife. We are very intentional about our choices. So, if you see something, there is likely a clear reason for it.

Ask a question, listen, and keep your mouth shut. Ask questions to understand, not find fault. Then, after you completely understand RiverLife’s why, if you still want to voice your opinion, we’ll be glad to listen.

4. Help solve problems rather than just point them out.

Most complainers don’t want to do the hard work of helping solve problems. They just want them fixed. Wanna know my favorite way to shut down a complainer?

“We need more people in the nursery.”

“You’re right! When can you start.”

CLOSING

All of this is summed up by our third membership mantra: Members unite. Complainers divide. It’s as simple as that. And if you want to be a member at RiverLife, you are agreeing that you will put the unity of the church above your own personal preferences.

I close with this quote from Christian author and activist, Shane Clayborn:

“There is a movement bubbling up that goes beyond cynicism and celebrates a new way of living, a generation that stops complaining about the church it sees and becomes the church it dreams of.”

If you are a serial complainer, a know-it-all, or a gossip, I say this respectfully… I don’t want you a part of RiverLife. You will damage this church, you will damage the people, and you will damage our ability to live our God-given mission—to bringing of hope, healing, and spiritual growth to next-gen Hmong and beyond.

But, if you can set aside your personal opinions, preferences, and agenda, you can join us in one of the most amazing works of God I’ve ever seen and participated in.

We can unite together to become the church you’ve always dreamed of, and the God wants us to be.