In unhealthy togetherness, we want another person to think and feel the way we do. In healthy togetherness, we respect each other's separateness, allowing the other to have their own thoughts, feelings, fears, and values.

Transcript

There are simple, everyday things you and I do that are important but seem insignificant. Sometimes we don’t think much about these things because they are so ordinary, but when they are done incorrectly, it can negatively impact us. Take, for example, tying your shoe. Did you know that if you tie your shoes and the bow runs from the heel to the toe, it’s a weaker knot? But, if the bow runs from left to right, you have a stronger knot. It might not be a big deal for us, but I’ve had my share of shoe knots coming loose causing me to slip, and that’s no fun. The same idea is true about our relationships. Can you think of something we do every day that feels ordinary, maybe even insignificant, but makes a huge impact on our relationships? Possibly even perfect our relationships with one another?

Let’s find out together in our passage today.

GOD:

We’re going to be in John 1:1-3 and 14. This is what it says,

“1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 He was with God in the beginning. 3 Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made.

14 The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.”

Before we discover the ordinary things we can do to positively impact our relationships, we need to understand this passage. These verses are some of the most important words written to understand Jesus’ humanity. A major part of Christianity is that Jesus is God, and at one point, he came down to earth and became fully human. John uses the concept of “the Word” to describe Jesus. In biblical times, “The Word” was a concept of a force, reason, or principle that was in charge of everything in the world. Some saw it as a higher being that created all things, while others perceived it to be God. John uses this concept of “the Word” to clarify with a broad group of people who had differing worldviews who was this force, reason, principle, or higher being. John describes “the Word” existing at the beginning of creation which existed with God, suggesting that “the Word” might be more than just a force because it can be with God. “The Word” is personal. John then proceeds to dive a little deeper and reveals that this force is God, a person, and not just some mysterious or powerful energy. This person is responsible for creating all the heavens and earth. And not only did this God create all of heaven and earth, but God became a human and lived with humans. Incarnation is a fancy word that describes this. Now why in the world would God decide to be human? In part, it was a throwback to Moses when he freed the Hebrews from Egypt, and they wandered the desert for 40 years. While they wandered, God provided them with instructions to build a tabernacle, which was essentially a large tent for God so that He could live with them. The purpose of the tabernacle was to provide a place for God’s people to be in a relationship with him and worship him correctly. God’s tabernacle allowed him to be present with his people. God was accessible. God was near. God was personal, unlike other gods and idols that people worshipped. Some would pray and sacrifice to gods who never answered their prayers, but the God of the Bible was right there with the people so He heard their requests. “The Word” dwelling with people is Jesus becoming human and dwelling with humanity, reflecting what happened in the Old Testament. Jesus spent his time on earth as a human to help rebuild the relationship between God and humans as well as humans and other humans. Jesus was with a lot of different kinds of people, whether it was the rich, the rulers, the religious, the regulars, the rebels, or the ragged. But they all had one thing in common. Their lives were filled with unhealthy relationships with their well-being and with others. Some were starving, blind, sick, ridden with disease, social outcasts, and grieving for their dead. A big part of Jesus’ ministry when he was on earth was to show his glory, and as Jesus dwelled among humanity, the people saw his glory. Seeing Jesus’ glory meant the people witnessed his power and miracles. There are over 30 recorded miracles that Jesus performed, and almost all of his miracles included Jesus listening to what they wanted. In Matthew 8:2-3 this is what it says, “And behold a leper came to him and knelt before him, saying “Lord, if you will, you can make me clean.” And Jesus stretched out his hand and touched him, saying, “I will; be clean.” And there are many more examples. When Jesus dwelled with humanity, he listened to those he cared for and answered their requests accordingly. He listened to their needs and brought perfection to their hurts and pains. Jesus, being human allowed humanity to experience what it meant to be in the right relationship with their well-being and with others. Millard Erickson, a theologian, helps us understand this about Jesus’ humanity,

“Our understanding of human nature has been formed by an inductive investigation of both ourselves and other humans as we find them about us. But none of us is humanity as God intended it to be or as it came from his hand. Humanity was spoiled and corrupted by the sin of Adam and Eve. When we say that in the incarnation, Jesus took on humanity, we are not talking about this kind of humanity. For the humanity of Jesus was not the humanity of sinful human beings, but the humanity possessed by Adam and Even from their creation and before the fall. The question is not whether Jesus was fully human, but whether we are. He was not merely as human as we are; he was more human than we are. He was, spiritually, the type of humanity that we will possess when we are glorified. Jesus most fully reveals the true nature of humanity.”

When Jesus became human, he showed us what it meant to truly be human. Jesus showed us that true humanity helps us relate to ourselves well. Our health and well-being are restored. Jesus also showed us that true humanity helps us relate to others well. He restored relationships that were broken because certain people with diseases were seen as unclean, so they became social outcasts. Jesus restored relationships that were impacted by death by bringing loved ones back from the dead. Here’s the one thing we know about Jesus’ humanity.

BIG IDEA: Jesus’ humanity perfects our humanity.

Jesus’ humanity perfects our humanity.

So how do we experience how Jesus’ humanity perfects our humanity? One of the most fundamental things that all humans need is connection. And one of the most ordinary ways to connect is by speaking and listening to each other. Earlier I mentioned that before Jesus performed miracles, he almost always asked what the recipient wanted, and he would listen to them. This week, our Emotionally Healthy Relationship skill offers us an opportunity to re-examine how we listen to each other. Jesus listened to the needs of others so he could care for them. Listening to others is one of the most ordinary and significant ways we can practically demonstrate our love for one another. Today we’re going to take into consideration the incarnation of Jesus and pair that up with listening. We’re going to learn how to listen incarnationally. So what does it mean to listen incarnationally? It means we listen at a heart level with empathy, attuned to the words and non-verbal communication of another person (i.e. so that the other person feels felt by you). Being attuned to the words and non-verbal communication means we’re listening to not to just words but the non-verbals (e.g. facial expressions, tone of voice, tears, body posture, intensity, etc.) The priority is an emotional connection not so much information. We don’t have to agree, get defensive, or take things personally, but it’s a matter of connecting.

So here are some steps to listening incarnationally.

1. Give the speaker your full attention

2. Step into the speaker’s shoes and feel what they are feeling.

3. Avoid judging or interpreting.

4. Reflect back as accurately as you can on what you heard them say.

5. When you think the speaker is done, ask, “Is there more?”

6. When the speaker is done, ask, “Of everything you have shared, what is the most important thing you want me to remember?”

So here are some guidelines to help us how we can speak well.

1. Speak in the “I”

2. Keep your statements brief

3. Stop to let the listener paraphrase

4. Include your feelings

a. It is important to distinguish a thought from a feeling.

i. We might often say, “I feel that…” thinking we’re sharing a feeling, but it’s actually a thought or opinion. A key principle to remember is when the word that follows “I feel,” what’s being shared is not a feeling but an opinion or thought. To use the phrase “I feel” correctly, it needs to be followed by a feeling. We are not able to get beneath the iceberg without sharing feelings.

ii. I feel that this supermarket’s prices are too high opinion

iii. I feel upset this supermarket’s prices are too high  feeling

5. Speak respectfully, honestly, clearly, and timely.

Often, listening can go so wrong because we speak or communicate poorly. So when we speak we must understand that it has to be respectful, honest, clear, and timely.

• We speak respectfully means we give thought to our words. It needs to help communication and help build each other up.

• We speak honestly, you have a right to your feeling and thoughts.

• We speak clearly, no hinting, beating around the bush, etc.

• We speak timely, we are aware when there’s a better time.

Let’s practice for the next 6 minutes. Here’s the question I want you to use for this exercise:

• What is the biggest thing impacting you right now? And how are you feeling about it? (Don’t make your sharing about the person you’re with).

We’re going to take turns listening and speaking.

Listening incarnationally is a way we can be like Jesus to others. When we listen incarnationally it’s like we are leaving our world and giving up our needs so that someone else can be heard like how Jesus left heaven and came down to be with us. And Jesus did all this so that he could redeem our broken relationship with God and with others. So practice listening incarnationally to experience true humanity as Jesus intended us to.

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

1. What was the experience like for you as the speaker? The listener?

2. How did you experience listening with your family of origin? How did you experience speaking with your family of origin?

3. Name 1 or 2 obstacles you will need to overcome to grow into a person who listens well.