Community Temperature Reading is the building block for the rest of the relationship skills that follow. Use it to discover and express your God-given voice and to build healthy relationships with others.

Transcript

Relationships are wonderful things, and they take a lot of work. I remember once in college we took a class trip to Ohio and we stopped for lunch at a pizza parlor. I had a couple of friends in class who were Hmong so we each bought a couple items and shared with each other. One of white classmates came by and offered wings and we all took one. When we finished, we all went to pay for our meals, but our non-Hmong classmate stopped us and asked all of us to pay for her bill.

We were all confused. We thought that she was sharing her wings with us like how we shared our food with each other, but she thought that in sharing her food with us we would pay for the pill too. We each found a couple dollar or two to pay for the bill and for the rest of the trip, we made sure we didn’t take any food from her.

What will it require from you to have healthy relationships?

Today we’re going to be in 1st Corinthians 13:1-7. One of the best passages to understand what it means to be in healthy relationships.

GOD:

This is what 1 Corinthians 13:1-7 says,

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1 If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. 3 If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing. 4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

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This passage is often called the love chapter of the Bible and is often used for weddings, but it applies to all of us today whether we are married or not. The entire letter of 1st Corinthian speaks about unhealthy relationships in the church of Corinth. There were fights and divisions in the church about many things, one of them being spiritual gifts.

The church argued with each other about spiritual gifts. Each person saw their gift better than the other, so they fought to implement their gift during church service. Some wanted to pray in unknown languages, while others wanted to share and teach. It was very chaotic, so Paul helped them understand that the highest value was none of the gifts.

Instead, Paul encouraged the church to love each other. Love would compel them to use their gifts to serve and seek the well-being of others instead of arguing which gift was superior.

In light of our series, Emotionally Healthy Relationships, the church was not emotionally healthy, and they experienced poor relationships with each other and with God.

In order to transform to be healthy, Paul encouraged the church to love each other. Without love, everything was worthless. No matter how talented or gifted each person was, love and healthy relationships would make it work best.

Once the Corinthian church understood this, things would be better. And if we’re able to get this, things will get better for us too. Paul’s understanding of love is specific. It's the highest level of love.

It’s the same kind of love in the great commandment that Jesus gives, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and love your neighbor as yourself.” Our understanding of love in the English language encompasses a range of emotions, and it’s different for each person or thing we love. If we’re to say that I love my mom and I love BBQ, we could assume that I love one thing more than the other. In this case, we hope that I love my mom more than BBW, but it can be difficult to make the distinctions between the differences.

The biblical understanding of love is very specific. The writers of the Bible used specific words to describe love, and there were 2 of them: phileo and agape. Phileo describes a friendly love, one of mutual nature where I care for you and you care for me, filled with warmth and affection.

But the love that Paul refers to in 1 Corinthians is agape love or unconditional love.

Here’s a definition,

“Agape love is an unconditional love that is always giving and impossible to take or be a taker. It devotes total commitment to seeking your highest best no matter how anyone may respond. This form of love is totally selfless and does not change whether the love given is returned or not” by David Nelmes.

A Bible dictionary goes on to say that “this type of love is not based on how we feel for others, but it is purely love that is expressed undeserved, unmerited, and unwavering love for the unlovely.” -Mounce Complete Expository Dictionary.

Agape love is an action, it’s a choice that you make to seek the well-being of people other than yourself. Agape love is seeking people’s well-being without expecting anything in return. Now it is hard to understand how it could ever be possible to love others. We need to understand that this love comes from God. Earlier Tim read from 1 John 4, and in verse 19, it specifically says, “We love because he first loved us.”

And as we express this others-focused, unconditional love to others, God designed it to work in a system where others express it to us as it says in Philippians 2:1-4, which says

“Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and compassionate? 2 Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose. 3 Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. 4 Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.”

Now imagine that! An ongoing system of experiencing love. And this love also frees us from fear. 1 John 4 says in verses 16-18,

“God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. 17 And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world. 18 Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love.”

It says that God’s love stops us from being afraid of His final judgment over humanity. This love allows us to face him with confidence. If God’s love can make us fearless of His final judgment, we can be free of so much more things that we fear in relationships!

Insecurities, uncertainties, and all the unknowns. Am I good enough? Am I likeable? Am I replaceable? Is someone better than me?

So how do we know we are experiencing and exemplifying this love?

In verse 4-7 of our passage it says that

“4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”

All these attributes are pretty self-explanatory. Paul was trying to show that healthy relationships happen when we experience God’s love. Healthy relationships happen when we love others like how we experience God’s love. Healthy relationships happen when others love us like how they experience God’s love. In order to have emotionally healthy relationships we need to remember this. God loves you unconditionally. Love others unconditionally.

God loves you unconditionally. Love others unconditionally.

So what can we do practically love others like how God loves us? Love acts and it might feel scary, but let’s take small steps. Thankfully our series, Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, offers a great tool for us to build healthy relationships and it’s called Community Temperature Reading. This tool is the building block to all the other skills we will learn in the rest of our series. It helps us discover our God given voice to share with someone else important things that are vital to building relationships so that we can love them like how God loves us.

• A Community Temperature Reading is meant to improve relationships by having us share around 5 important categories vital to building relationships

• The first is appreciation –

o Appreciations are important to the life of a community.

o We appreciate others in our heads, but only say them when someone has gone above and beyond.

o Some families and cultures never appreciate.

o Appreciations prevent us from taking each other for granted.

o God wired our brains to give and receive appreciation.

So let’s practice an appreciation with our table or if you’re online the people who are watching with you. And if your by yourself, imagine you’re talking to someone who you care for and want a better relationship with

o Begin your appreciation with “I appreciate you” and fill in the blank

 e.g. “I appreciate you taking out the trash.”

• Puzzles is the second part of a Community Temperature reading –

Puzzles give us an opportunity to slow and ask questions instead of making judgement.

When someone doesn’t do something in the relationship we’re tempted to jump to conclusions, but those conclusions are often wrong. There are numerous reasons why someone might not do somethings. Negative interpretations hurt relationships and communities. Our negative interpretations impact how we relate to others.

o When we’re upset we might say, “Why didn’t you take out the trash?”

o Instead of being upset, staying silent and annoyed, and jumping to a conclusion we can say “I’m puzzled as to why you didn’t __________.”

o Begin your puzzle with “I’m puzzled as to why” and fill in the blank.

 E.g. I’m puzzled why you didn’t take out the trash

o Puzzles is a loving concept.

• Next are Complaints with Possible Solutions. These help you with small irritations and annoyance that arise each day.

o All relationships have complaints.

o 2 challenges about complaints

 - We’re afraid to voice anything negative

 - It’s easy to complain and not take any responsibility for solution.

This is criticism. We complain, but don’t say what it is we want.

o The person with the complaint takes responsibility for a possible solution otherwise, when they go unspoken, they can be a painful wound.

When spoken poorly, they become destructive to relationships.

o With Complaints and Solutions, use the phrase “I notice…I prefer”

 I notice the trash smells and I prefer the kitchen to smell clean.

o Complaints are meant to be light so that the person can easily make changes.

If it’s not easy, there’s another skill called fight cleanly, which we learn about later.

• The next part is New Information.

New Information helps relationships because it informs people what is happening in each other’s lives.

o Relationships can only grow when people know what is happening in each other’s lives, staying current with each other.

o Maybe there’s an event, appointment, new decision, achievement opportunity, lifestyle change that impacts our life.

People need to know those things even if they are trivial so they have context and adjust if needed.

 I am watching my diet.

• Lastly, Hopes and Wishes offer windows to our unique souls revealing significant parts of who we are.

o Relationships deepen when hopes and wishes are shared.

o Relationships become richer as we support and liste to each other’s hopes and dreams.

 - Share a hope and wish with someone at your table or at home or if your by yourself, speak a hope and wish of yours.

 - I wish to run a half marathon.

Use this tool to help you grow in your relationships. It’s a step to experiencing God’s love and loving others. Let me pray for us. We’re going take some time to reflect with some questions. For all our online friends, this is a great time to sign in to the Zoom meeting. The link will be provided in the comments. Pang will moderate our conversations so jump on.